Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I found this website a while ago called We Heart It ( but never really got around to searching it. A week ago I finally got around to looking it and I loved it. There are so many great pictures on there and they lead you to the orginial or where the picture was linked to. I love LOVE quotes and collect them. A weird thing to collect but I have a book and word document full of them. So I looked them up on We Heart It and found some great ones. I'll have to get the pictures that they are on.

For now here are some of them that I found just in type:

Time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck, when you don’t go anywhere or do anything or think one new thought. And then you can get hit with a day or an hour, or half a second, when so much happens it’s almost like you are born all over again into some brand-new person you for damn sure never expected to meet.

-- Life is Funny

There will come a day when you’ll feel like shit and you’ll want to give up. When that day arrives save yourself some trouble and don’t do a thing. Take a nap

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
— ~ Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences - who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and keep going.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I always have these things that go through me head. Rants and ideas and funny things that I see. And I always try to write it out, but I'm always wither to scared or I type it out and it sounds ridiculous. So I never type anything. Of course I always do come to whine. I hate whining. I feel like I have no reason to feel sorry for my self. No reason to complain. No reason at all. But I know that I whine a lot. Or at least it feels like a lot. The first time I ranted/whined on my livejournal someone came across it and told me to stop. That people move on and I should get over it. That’s part of the reason I don’t do a lot of post or rants (or whatever you want to call them).

I think the reason I do it on here is because I have no one to talk to. I never thought I was before, but I came to a realization that I might be a little emotionally stunted. I’m not sure if that’s the word, but I hold everything in. I don’t reveal me feeling or problems very often. It usually takes something big for me to reveal anything. And I found that telling someone had no effect. The either moved to conversation on or forgot about what we talked about.

I was driving with my mother one day and she asked me a question. I gave my usually wishy-washy answer and she pressed. I did the “I’m fine” but she wasn’t taking that for an answer. So she drove all over town while I told her pretty much everything. How I thought I was depressed, how I was unhappy, how I just was. She offered to have me talk with my grandfather but I said no. So she told me that she would do what she could to help. Turns out this was nothing. Things didn’t change and I think she forgot about what we discussed.

It’s like no one cares. I know that I’m really good at holding it in, but they have to see the wholes on the wall. The moments where I can’t hide it. I don’t know if they can see it or if they just look past it.

Because I’m not outgoing or expressive I don’t have a lot of people. I have my family, but that….well it is what it is. And friends. I have two. One lives in San Francisco and I don’t see her. We talk online sometimes and there have been promises of meeting but they always fall through when something else happens. I guess 15 years of friendship doesn’t have a high priority. My other friend just recently moved to the college that we had been planning on going to together. And now she’s just to busy. It’s been almost five months since I’ve even seen her. And now she’s in a sorority and apparently moving into a house with two of her BFF’s. Funny I thought we were best friends and were going to move into a place when I got there.

I can’t put the whole blame on them. I’m not the most outgoing person. I’ve been to San Francisco twice (twice more than her) but haven’t really gone back. And I haven’t been to Turlock; plus I don’t drink alcohol or kiss random guys so going out and getting hammered and laughing about how messed up we were isn’t really an option. I know that I should take part of the blame, but I’m do tired of doing everything for everyone else and getting nothing in return. Out of sight out of mind. It’s so frustrating and annoying. I hate that it hurts so much. I hate being unhappy and alone. I just wish someone would actually keep a promise and go through with what they said.

I’m tired of being this way. And more than anything I wish I could change it, but I can’t and I don’t know how. And even if I did know how I know I wouldn’t do anything about it. I’m too scared to face my fears. To stand up for myself. I’m always going to be low on the totem pole because I allow myself to be there.

And next year I transfer to the school that we were going to go together. And I’ll either follow her around like a nice little puppy or I’ll be alone. Great options right?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Blah Whine Rant Blah

I started this blog thinking about all the things I could do. All the writting I could get out and all of the things I could rec. But I never use it.

It's a habit that I have. Starting things with all of these ideas and expectations, but never doing it or being to scared to. I have numerious accounts that I either don't log onto or if I do it's very few times. It's a useless waste of space that I don't delete becauseof a 'what if' or a 'this I will do it.' It's annoying and frustrating. Then again what isn't in my life. I need to turn it around. My problem is my fear of doing it and not knowing how to.

Well that went off into a mini whine/rant. To be honest I have no ideae where this is going or if I even had a plan. I jst saw that I hadn't updated and started to write.

Arhhhhh!! I'm done. I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Life Quotes

Here are a couple of quotes that I just found poking around on photobucket:

"we sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste for silence is pure. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking." Nicholas Sparks ‘The Notebook’

Love doesn't hurt until you think about it, how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault

"The people who suffer the most are those that do not know what they want."
-Ellen Pompeo as Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Lack Of Conversation

I was talking to my dad the other night and after our conversation I thought of this video because it went pretty much like this.

"Teenage Song" by Peter Denahy

Saturday, April 4, 2009

3 Friend Quotes

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."-C.S. Lewis

“A good friend will get you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying Damn…We fucked up"

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults."- Charles Kingsley

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Today my sister and Amanda decided to dress me up. I let them because I was bored and I kinda was okay with it. Maybe because I had a little attention and I was interested to see what they picked out. Anyways we had just finished and stopped at Macy's so they could try on dresses. Amanda was still trying them on when my sister and I got into a discussion outside the dressing room door. I told her that there where things about me she didn't know and that my friend could describe me as a totally different person than she could. I said that there where things I didn't want to know about her because outside of the house was probably a different person and I didn't want my views of her to be tarnished. Well she whined and pushed wanting me to tell her a secret. I said no so she told me a secret of hers and Amanda old her my secret (I couldn't do it). Then is got real awkward.

I realized that I'm always going to assume that my brothers and sisters have followed my example in a lot of things and that I hold them up in this light. But really they are people who do...stupid things and stuff that I'll never know. I really wish that I wasn't told the secret. It made me realize that my sister is a bit of a hypocrite and that she isn't the person that I thought she was. My friend said the same thing. She was shocked and finds it hard to admire my sister.

As for my secret I wish more than anything she didn't know. I hate he fact that she does and I wished I had lied but my mouth just get so caught up. Ahhh I don't like secret sharing anymore. It can ruin so much.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Shadow Scare

I feel a little bad for laughing, but she's so cute.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


So Amanda and I went to a Psychic today. Amanda went yesterday and was telling me about how this lady was amazing. She was able to get her friend Daniel and her right on. I was surprised that the lady told Amanda some of these things because they were things that I knew all along but for someone who never meet her, pretty good. Even though I’m totally for this kind of stuff a part of me was a little skeptical. But Amanda talked my into it…just a little since a part of my really wanted to go. I figured it was $25 that I could spend on myself.

The place is this house in the not so good part of town. It has this huge sign with a hand and the word psychic next to it. So we parked the car across the street at Rancho San Miguel and walked to the house. The lady does this in her house where she lives with someone and scared us when she opened the door. She pointed us to this small room right next to the front door. She was….normal. That sounds bad and I don’t expect all psychics to wear turbans and stuff, but she was just a lady. We sat down and she asked what I wanted: palm read, tarots, or psychic reading. I picked palm because it was cheapest. Her dog interrupted but that was ok.

She started by telling me to pick 2 wishes. 1 I tell her out loud and the other I keep to myself. Out loud I said ‘I want to be happy’ inside I thought I want to meet someone special. She did a little ‘ooo’ and started. It was weird. Even now I look back on it and there are no words to describe it. It wasn’t the future and shocked me but the way she got ME. She told me that I’m sensitive, too sensitive. I let everything get to me and it brings me down. I write and I don’t let anyone read it because I’m scared that they’ll laugh at me. I worry too much about what others say. She said that I had someone in the past; we never got close because I wouldn’t let him and that he disappointed me. That I never let anyone close because I worry that they’ll disappoint me. She said that I’m having trouble with a friend. That this friend is letting my down and it’s causing me troubles. She asked if I have problems sleeping and that the reason I can’t is because I have to much negative energy. I hold too much in and it never gets out. She guessed Bounce About and how I didn’t like my job. I liked the kids but the parents got in my way and I felt I wasn’t going anywhere with it. And that since September my home life has been causing me trouble. I have no space for myself.

Those things are what got me. How did she get that? I didn’t talk to her, I don’t even know her name and she doesn’t know mine, but she held my hand took a look at my palm and got all of it. And it’s all true.

She told that my transferring to Stanislaus is good for me. I’ll have two new beginnings this year; my birthday and the beginning of school. I have to break away from home so that I can learn about me. She said that I’m going to meet someone and fall in love and get married within the next two years. Amanda asked if I was going to live in a big city but the lady said I’ll probably get married before that choice gets put on the table. She said she sees me as a teacher for little kids. I’ll have two or three but that’s it because I’ll be surrounded by them. I should write kids books. She said I need a hobby, not painting that’s too simple, but something. She saw a craft and I said stained glass. She said I should take it up again because I have to do something that takes my mind off the world and my problems. I need to get rid of my negative energy. She said that she usually tells people not to take so many risks because they break their heart to much, but that I have to and if my heart gets broken oh well that’s life. I worry to much about people and my family and it’s not functional but it’s not dysfunctional. I have to do something for me.

I think that that was everything. I can’t really remember, we talked a bit about how she did it and what I felt with my own tarot cards. Then she asked if I have any question and I couldn’t think of any at the time, but now I have tons.

It was just a surreal moment and I kinda want to do it again.